Build It Up Gardening

July 27, 2017 by Billie Anderson
Today Lexy came to visit our garden and I asked her about writing my blog entry.  She answered questions and gave us some valuable tips.  She is a fantastic mentor and I am very grateful for her help. 

We are thrilled to be a BIU Gardening family this year.  Our home has been nestled in the mountains of Carter County for almost 40 years.  My husband and I both grew up in suburban America.  We came of age in the late 60’s & early 70’s and were caught up in dreams of owning property and living off the land.  lol!  Even though we managed to acquire some acreage, it did not take long to find out this living off the land idea took more work than we had imagined.  With children entering our lives and a house to build, we found ourselves working at jobs in town.  There were many attempts at gardening through the years - - all fell by the wayside and grew up in weeds.  Lots of frustration!

Thinking about the “back to the land” movement of the 60’s and the “green,organic” movement today, I will offer an observation. The “back to the land” movement of yesteryear had a mistaken emphasis on independence and isolation.  The “green, organic” movement of today seems much more realistic and practical with a healthy emphasis on collaboration and interdependence.  The community garden not only provides food, but also lessons in cooperation, goodwill, and even hospitality.   As we learn from the BIU program, I hope to “pay it forward” by helping with at least one community garden in Elizabethton.                                                                        
My husband & I recently refreshed (retired) and now whole-heartedly embrace this opportunity to bring some dreams back to life with gardening, forest management, and farming.  Almost in response to long time desires of our hearts, I began to learn about several programs to help!  The BIU program has guided me every step of the way in regard to gardening this year.  It assisted me in choosing an optimal spot for my garden with enough sun and available water.  It assisted me in designing a garden that is not too big and overwhelming for me to maintain.  I learned about no-till gardening, a concept I had never heard about.  

This is our first of two years of being on the BIU program.  Our garden did not get fully tilled and prepared until the middle of June, so the garden got a late start.  Not wanting to discourage myself, I consciously chose to be patient and to view this first year as mostly a preparation year.  Planting and storing would take second place to the goal of preparing a well-designed, permanent garden site, having the soil tested, and then building up the soil with lots of organic matter.  This allowed me to relax and take joy in each accomplishment without feeling bad about not having a fully productive garden as I had envisioned.  But that fully productive garden will, hopefully, be ready to manifest itself next year.

I now have a beautiful garden site with five raised beds inside a fenced area to protect the garden from dogs and deer and maybe to discourage rabbits, also.  I have okra, zucchini, squash, green pepper, watermelon, and cantaloupe planted in the BIU garden which I think of as being my more traditional, main garden.  I had developed a square foot garden several years ago (based on the book Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew).  It, too, like my other attempts at gardening turned into a weedy mess.  This year I cleaned out the weeds & moved it so it is located next to my traditional garden of the BIU program.   Earlier in the spring, I planted young plants I received from the BIU program in the “Square Foot Garden.”  We had turnip greens and collards greens.  They attracted green worms which I picked off daily.  Even though they were shared with those worms, the greens were delicious, both cooked and also added to nutra-bullet drinks.  I also planted onions, tomatoes, and basil in the square foot garden, all of which are growing very well and with good health.  I also had three straw bales and planted cucumber, tomatoes, and basil in those three bales (based on a book entitled, Straw Bales Gardens by Joel Karsten).  I must say that the material provided by the BIU program has helped immeasurably with all three types of gardening: traditional, square foot and straw bale.  Next year I will again use all three gardens, with most of my focus being on the traditional garden.  

In addition to the gardening, we acquired 4 pigs.  We are composting the pig dung along with other organic material to help build up our soil for next year and to help with our new High Tunnel Greenhouse to be constructed hopefully by the end of August. We have received a grant from the Natural Resources Conservation Service, a division of the United States Department of Agriculture to build that greenhouse. The BIU program is a great resource for that up-coming project, too. 

I am a hands-on type learner.  Reading about gardening has never really been very effective for me.  The hands-on workshops and record-keeping tools provided by Lexy have worked for me better than all the gardening books that have accumulated on my bookshelves over the years.  Of course being “refreshed” has freed up time to pursue gardening and other conservation projects on our land daily. In the past I approached gardening very haphazardly, with no plan.  I would purchase seeds and then in a rushed manner dig holes in a garden spot and plop the seeds in, then hope for a beautiful garden. No wonder my gardens were far less than gratifying.  BIU gave me planning tools and information that has already given me the best garden I have ever had, even though it is incomplete this year.   
Happy Gardening to all of us! 
Pictures below:

This is my planting guide for the garden as it now is:

This is my Square Foot Garden:

This is my BIU Garden:

This garden is planted in 3 straw bales.

This picture shows my Square Foot Garden on the right, my BIU Garden in the center and my Straw Bales on the left next to the out building.

This is my original plan for my BIU Garden.  The plan was modified due to the late tilling and preparation of the site.

This is how the late BIU garden turned out, modified and growing less than originally planned.

b I r t h d A y p o e M

b I r t h d A y   p o e M

Eternity & Paradise

Everywhere

What is the purpose of a poem?

A journal?

Chronicling events - -

Or ideas? 

Remember to laugh!

Who AM I?

Dropped into a vast ocean of infinite possibilities,

Had to land somewhere - -

Somewhere seemed separate & unique, but

A dream

NOW

Merely connected.

Merely is not diminutive

It is vast simplicity

LOVE.

Darkness, Light, Trinity & Tao Te Ching

     My emotions were in a funk.  I observed darkness in my soul.  Help comes right out of depths.  There are many dramatic stories about this experience.  My story is not very dramatic.  Throughout the years of my life, I have experienced many waves of dark emotions followed by waves of "lightness of being."  My personality now chooses to observe these waves rather than experience them so directly.   Stillness accessed by various meditation techniques is always a spot to sit on the soft sand and enjoy watching these waves rise and fall.

     Recently, I ordered a couple of copies of the Tao Te Ching translated in a small pocket edition by Stephen Mitchell.  It is not the first time I have ordered this book.  I usually give my "own" book away to someone I care for and then order again.  And usually when I order, it is for at least 2 copies. That was the case with this latest order and I knew who was to receive one of the books.  The other book, I now carry in my purse.  

     I share the first chapter here.  Perhaps I will share more chapters in the coming days.  Writing gives me pleasure.  It feeds my soul. 

1

The tao that can be told

is not the eternal Tao.

The name that can be named 

is not the eternal Name

The unnameable is the eternally real.

Naming is the origin 

of particular things.

Free from desire, you realize the mystery.

Caught in desire, you see only the 

manifestations.

Yet mystery and manifestations 

arise from the same source.

This source is called darkness.

Darkness within darkness. 

The gateway to all understanding. 

     Stephen Mitchell offers notes at the back of his book about each chapter, so my notes here are personal, arising from questions in my own unique life experience.  For me the most challenging phrase here is "Darkness within darkness. The gateway to all understanding."  It seems like we live in a world of chaotic "darkness" with principalities, governments, kingdoms making bargains with the "devil" of separation while declaring the bargains to be wise and clever.  As individuals we live our experiences in similar darkness, thus we are "darknesses within darknesses" shrouded in bodies, bargains with our egos to hide the brilliant, loving essence of our souls.  The true Source might better be called LIGHT, but we who think ourselves to be separated bodies, need a source of experiential darkness to motivate us to seek the restoration of our awareness of the LIGHT.  Apparently, we choose to have a human experience, but we also need a way to find our way HOME to the LIGHT.

     My little 2 year old granddaughter, River, was staying with Greg and me this weekend.  She was very busy asking me occasionally, "Mimi, are you busy?"  She was busy playing games, finger painting, picking flowers, pouring water, watching some kid shows, etc.  At one point she said, 

"Mimi, I need to go home now and rest."  I told her I could not take her home but offered to hold her while she rested.  She smiled and said "O-tay," in her sweet little voice.  I picked her up and held her close, and in a soft singing voice suggested that she close her eyes and rest.  She was sound asleep in less that two minutes, resting from the "darkness" of busy-ness (business),  We adults also need refreshing rest from our own darkness within the darkness we perceive as our outer and disconnected world.  Sleep is usually restful for me, but the restfulness of conscious meditation is even more refreshing than sleep.  

     Below, I copy and paste from Richard Rohr's Daily Meditation from Sunday, March 12th, 2017.  

For me, it is related to the passage from the Tao Te Ching and gifts me with a new possibility for the political "darkness" I perceive in the world at this time.  

The Law of Three Changes Everything

Sunday, March 12, 2017 

In the United States our politics have devolved into divisiveness and partisanship. Think about it: You feel passionate about your party and your issues. Your co-worker or neighbor backs the other political party with equal passion.

The way we live so much of our lives stops right there. Someone takes position A, and someone else opposes them in Position B; they exist in rivalry and antagonism, world without end. This is precisely the behavior we’d expect in a binary system—a place of “two-ness” in opposition. At best, when we’re finished yelling at each other, we might try to compromise and form some kind of “synthesis” position out of our dueling dualisms.

If the universe is created in the image of the Creator and the Creator is a Trinity, it begs the question: What if we don’t live in a binary universe, but instead in a ternary universe?

This week and next, Cynthia Bourgeault, a faculty member at the Center for Action and Contemplation, will explore the profound metaphysical Law of Three. Cynthia’s exploration of the doctrine of the Trinity paired with the teachings of an enigmatic Armenian teacher, G. I. Gurdjieff (1866-1949), is unique and can help us move forward and get unstuck.

If three-ness captures the essence of the cosmos more than two-ness, it means that we can hold our perspective with earnestness while fully awaiting an uncontrived third force to arrive and surprise us all out of our neat little boxes. Note that this isn’t some mere synthesis of opposition, but something genuinely novel arriving on the scene, a Position C.

The exact form that third force takes is beside the point, nor is it that first and second force suddenly find themselves invalidated in the face of some newer, shinier debut. Instead, the third force redeems each position and gives everyone a valuable role to play in the creation of something genuinely new—a fourth possibility that becomes the new field of our collective arising.

Gateway to Silence:
Behold, I make all things new. —Revelation 21:5

    *****

     If we seek we will find just as promised in scripture.  Knock and be ready to open the door to new possibilities, understandings that transcend mere intellect.  I seek the LIGHT.  

     

Connection, Love, Expansion

If my experiential little "s" self remembers correctly, my last entries on this blog were about a presidential election "i" was upset about.  Today I AM just here, feeling from the depths of my soul inexpressible gratitude for days of being able to just be here, unhurried and reflective about my true nature of Love and Being.  These are very holy days.  My little willingness to focus on Spiritual Wisdom and truth leads me daily to many, many wonderful teachers and sister/brother travelers.  Words seem inadequate and nearly useless, yet my fingers tap out some anyway, just because of my deep desire to share with you, whoever and wherever your body may seem to hang out.  We, you and me, are not bodies.  And we do not really live in time or space.  We transcend these things and in our heightened awareness of our transcendence, we are able to really embrace and enjoy the world we imagine here on a sphere floating in a vast Universe.  BE HERE NOW.  The meaning behind these three words is expansive beyond, beyond, beyond moving outward and simultaneously inward, encompassing all levels of Truth, Beauty, and Goodness.

A Short Reflection

 A brief reflection this morning after finishing Ta-Nehisi Coates book, Between the World and Me:

     

     I have not realized the depth of the darkness of my “white” privilege.  I am humbled and in awe of the backs upon which this privilege pretends to rest.  This “white privilege” does not rest at all, rather it sits in reflective and abject terror because it knows, whether consciously or not, that it is doomed.  It is doomed in its karma.  The drum beats are clear and have been from the beginning of this struggling nation, maybe from the beginning of “time” itself.  The procession of idolitry and dreams march on but all of them, without exception, fail, crumbling upon the alter of the truth, the great and inexpressible truth. This truth, we know, including the faith-based and the atheist and every position professed - - we know that somehow this truth is connected to whatever the word Love means, underneath, behind, and above its inherent weakness as a word.  I bow in tears, before the futility of  writing to accomplish anything at all.  Yet write I must.  And in between the words appearing on this screen, I must live. I must be. I must trust. I must love. For I am life and life is all connected, all laid out to be cherished and absorbed; the vast cacophony of voices, from slavery to privilege, all in fear of physical loss of body and possessions.  LOVE, with all its glorious depth and meaning, eternally calls for us to rise from fear and stand above all the “dream” divisions. 

Sorrowful

Idols shatter
crystals fall
tinkling rime ice
Cold
Surround me
Melt the cursed burning
Of my privilege
into oblivion
Or maybe cocoon it
forms drip
dreams drop
whimpering
America, the beautiful?
For whom and what
Jesus wept.

More Awareness and the cause of police brutality

November 24, 2016

I continue to be driven to make time to read and experience, vicariously through "black" writing and "black" associations, the experiences of my siblings of color.  The momentum I feel for this comes from an urgency I just did not feel before I knew the results of our presidential election in the wee hours of the morning on November 9th.

My dear "daughter", how I treasure her.  She is actually the daughter of my close friends, the daughter of an interracial marriage, a daughter who adopted me as another "mother", even though she often tells me  her biological Mom is the best Mom in the world.  I am honored and grateful to have her and her parents in my life. This lovely daughter, Marie, told me that she identifies as a "black" woman.  I countered that she is as much "white" as she is "black",  just like President Obama. But she would not let me get by with this because, of course, her life experience is as a "black" woman.  And thinking about this, I know my experience is not really "white" because being white in  America is really like just being of no race at all.  In the day to day operation of my life, I do not have to consider race.  So herein lies my challenge, to become more aware and to understand as keenly as I possibly can what it means to live and function as a minority in this country.

In regard to a police killing of one of his Howard University classmates, Ta-Nehisi Coates writes about being at the funeral and hearing some of the mourners "ask for forgiveness for the officer who'd shot Prince Jones down."  He continues, "The need to forgive the officer would not have moved me, because even then, in some inchoate form, I knew that Prince was not killed by a single officer so much as he was murdered by his country and all the fears that have marked it from birth."  This just really gives me pause to realize, and I mean really realize, in my gut, just how dishonest and inaccurate the idol of this "great" nation is in our "white", privileged version of it.  I have mourned the loss of the myth of goodness and nobility of my country's "founding fathers", an idol that just does not hold up to to scrutiny.  Our "founding fathers" were not saints and they were responsible for a whole lot of suffering.  To look at their weaknesses and our "white" shortsightedness honestly and own it all honestly is a task we must take seriously as "whites".  We must look at our privilege and the privilege of the "founders" and see clearly the irony, the cruelty and the unfairness.   Only then can we hope to extend "privilege" to all people and build a world where all people can operate daily without having to constantly carry the burden "race" and "separation".  Only then can words like "privilege" and "racial profiling" cease to mean anything.  Only when this is accomplished can we honestly describe our nation as a "great" nation.  I do not mean that we need all be alike.  Differences of heritage are glorious and worthy of celebration; but differences in how groups of people are treated need to disappear.  I do not know how this ideal can become a reality, but I know it must start right here with my willingness to grow and learn.

I extend my personal and profound thanks to  Ta-Nehisi Coates for sharing through his writing!

I desire and intend to broaden my awareness of  other "minority" experiences as I journey forward.   I must extend this also to my "white" siblings, many who struggle economically, and many who helped elect Donald Trump.  Share, talk, love, be hospitable and present. In the words of the late Bo Lozoff,
"We're all doing time."

From Despair to Awareness

November 23, 2016
A 46 minute youtube helped immensely to restore my peace of mind about the election of Donald Trump. I actually listened to the full 100 minute conference call recording from which the 46 minute video was recorded.  Corinne Zupko, Trump election, A Course in Miracles, and an Oppurtunity for Healing.   I will tell you right up front that Corinne, like me, is a very serious, hard-core practitioner of A Course in Miracles.  Her insights about the election are invaluable to me and some of the people who shared in the call blessed me more than I can say.  I am profoundly grateful to have found this youtube and highly recommend it to anyone who is seriously trying to come to terms with this election.

The history of human life on this planet is fraught with constant stories of conflict, hate, war, destruction.  The current state of human culture in our United States is no different after the election than it was before the election.  But my awareness of this culture is certainly greater and my questions are many.  We could grow by humbling ourselves as a nation from the notion held by many Americans, and almost universally proclaimed by our politicians, that our nation is the greatest nation on earth.  In some ways maybe it is, but in others it certainly is not.  Failure to admit this locks us into patterns that do not serve us all.

I am reading Between the World and Me, by Ta-Nehisi Coates, who grew up in Baltimore and attended Howard University.  He writes from his heart about his Baltimore childhood and his quest at Howard University to find a "black" history, clear and principled.  He read and studied extensively but was not able to find clarity in histories of chaos and confusion.   Yet in this lack of answers, he found some wisdom and solace. He pens, "The writer, and that was what I was becoming, must be wary of every Dream and every nation, even his own nation.  Perhaps his own nation more than any other, precisely because it was his own." "My great error was not that I had accepted someone else's dream but that I had accepted the fact of dreams, the need for escape, and the invention of racecraft."  These quotes relate directly to some of what is on the video youtube mentioned above.  I realize that my attachment to a particular political outcome is really an idol or dream that has now fallen away.

I stated in earlier posts that I dream of a new, all-inclusive middle class.  And this seems like a good dream, but I cannot be attached to any particular  plan for how this "outer" dream might become manifest.  I do not know the best way forward politically or otherwise. What I know is that by taking responsibility for being one with my "inner nation" of peace and abundance, I will be more effective in extending this to others in my "outer world".  I cannot afford to waste time complaining or judging. And if I forget this, may the Holy Spirit of my faith firmly call me back to sanity.

"Inner" & "Outer" ; Religious & Secular

November 21, 2016

From my last blog entry:  "I acknowledge my own lack of experience of being anyone besides a minister's daughter having grown up in white, evangelical Christian America.  It was a great place to grow up except for the fact that it obviously did not include a lot of other people."

Some things really started bothering me about those two sentences.
1.  I grew up in white middle-class America and my position within that group was in white, evangelical America.  The great place I grew up was, more specifically, in white, middle-class America which failed to fully include a lot of Americans.
2.  Evangelical Christianity wanted to include absolutely everyone at least for "salvation".  But evangelical leaders could not agree on the nature of this inclusiveness in regard to economics, education, places of worship, etc.
3.  I want to make it clear to myself that I first learned the value of being inclusive from my dear Daddy who respected and, at least, desired to include people of all races.

So back to the political climate in which we seem to find ourselves.  Picture the tangle of cords behind your electronic devices and think about the daunting task of untangling and then figuring out which cords and connections are currently relevant and which are completely outdated and useless.  This is how I feel about my religious background and the current world I perceive at this bewildering time; a time in which I perceive serious economic imbalance, climate change, fake news, hateful rhetoric, and some really horrifying wars and conflicts here in America and throughout the "world."

I have been a diligent practitioner of a course that has served me well for many years and has influenced all aspects of my life.  This course is taught through many sources, including all world religions.  Though its universal truth can never be adequately expressed through words. it is also impossible for this course to be completely suppressed.   It is a message of love and of the heart and it is always flowing around and through absolutely everything.  It transcends all "outer" stories and transcends all religious doctrine.   I offer a glimpse now from a link which was forwarded by a dear, sister journeyer and which reminded me of the peace and joy that is always present.  The youtube is produced by James Twyman, another dear journeyer whom I have never met in person but who offers many blessing to me through his sharing.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HuQnRvP7GGY&sns=em

I respect all pathways to truth.  Because truth reaches my mind most clearly through A Course In Miracles, I am compelled to offer it specifically.  My heart offers this out of openness and love and not out of the "evangelism" of trying to convince others of some doctrine or dogma.  I have not mastered the course of love. This is demonstrated by the fear I observed in myself aroused by the US election presidential election. This fear is a personal invitation to myself to dive once again into the course of Love and apply the course more broadly.  In the youtube link, James Twyman reminded me of three things:  Surrender, Trust, and Gratitude.

Let me offer an additional link that came to my attention right after I listened and meditated upon James Twyman's youtube.  This link is www.fromanxietytolove.com, hosted by Corinne Zupko.  I look forward to sharing in this group in the near future. She also has  a video on youtube about the US election.  Perhaps more about that in another post.

"Love is the way I walk in gratitude."  (Lesson 195 from ACIM)

Safety Pins

November 19, 2016

In response to Christopher Keelty's article about wearing safety pins (Google: Christopher Keelty safety pins), this is what I did.  I went to Walmart and engraved this tag on an engraving vending machine and attached it to a chain with a safety pin to wear as a necklace.  I acknowledge my own lack of experience of being anyone besides a minister's daughter having grown up in white, evangelical Christian America.  It was a great place to grow up except for the fact that it obviously did not include a lot of other people.  I want to listen more intently than I ever have before and learn and grow and offer help more seriously than I ever have before.  It just seems more necessary now.   Thank-you for your suggestions, Mr. Keelty.

Onward

November 16-18, 2016

My time has been dominated by bookkeeping in the last few days.  It seems like there are a lot of things to write about in regard to my own feelings and what I perceive this new presidential administration may try to inflict on many of my American siblings.

First I will record a text I received from one of my dearest friends who was in Baltimore with her daughter for Veteran's Day.  I record this here with a few minor changes, first of all not using names and secondly, just making correction for errors that typically occur when texting.

My daughter and I went to a meeting for the Hopkins (John Hopkins University) Community yesterday.  As you know, there have been marches here.  Lots of advice.  Don't be silent was a recurring theme.  Here in the City a minority of Trump supporters have felt emboldened to behave badly toward minorities.  There was advice on how to behave - - - such as stand by anyone you witness being verbally harassed and begin a conversation with the minority.  Call 911 and use your cell phone to record what is going on.  It was a good discussion about organizing.  Join civil rights organizations and align yourself with the good was discussed.  There was also some terrific discussion about trying to more deeply study and understand the white communities that felt so angry and disenfranchised that Trump is now our President (Elect). They have been "under served."  Great discussion about getting to the root cause and developing strategies for healing. There was quite a bit of fear for personal safety expressed by minorities. The official University response about providing safe places, counselling and "security" was met by several students with concerns.  More police was not perceived as an answer, rather a change in climate is needed.  Good news is that people are taking to the streets without violence that I know about so far.


I am feeling very self-conscious about wearing a safety pin.  It seemed like a powerful symbol to me but the controversy over the issue has tainted my desire to wear one.  So today I am going to try to order one or more lapel pins that read, "Black Lives Matter",

I printed off the article by Christopher Keelty, "How to Easily be a White Ally to Marganlized Communities."   I noticed other suggestions from articles I read from my Facebook feed.  All good and worthy of serious consideration, but I have to start somewhere in my own personal evolution.
One suggestion I really wanted to pursue was "to seek out marginalized voices and perpsectives" Mr. Keelty offered this list from his own experience as a place to start.. "Deray McKeeson; Roxane Gay; Shaun King; Baratunde Thurston; Raquel Cepeda; Rebecca Cohen;  Xeni Jardin; Sara Yasin; Kumail Nanjiani; Anil Dash; Jamelle Bouie; Rembert Browne; Heidi Heilig; Ta-Nehisi Coates"  I decided to start with the end of the list.  Seemed symbolic somehow.  So I started a file folder to put articles in. I printed out Wikipedia article about Ta-Nehisi Coates.  He was born in Baltimore.  He is an American journalist and educator and has written two books.  Today I will call my local library and hopefully reserve one or both books.

One of my cousins posted an article praising Mike Pence and his family.  Vice Pres. Elect Pence seems like a descent person and many evangelical Christians seem to love and respect him.  The article made me realize that he is probably well-meaning.  Most professed Christians are.  But I would ask some pointed questions about the disconnect between the examples from the life of Jesus as compared to evangelical Christian's judgments and attempts to control other people with different life experiences.  You are completely free as a Christian to heterosexually marry, not have abortions, to keep the gender you were born with, and to own a gun.  Jesus spoke about the Kingdom of Heaven being within our hearts and as far as I can determine, he never condemned anyone.  The only group he really criticized was the established religion of his time.  Evangelical Christianity, is the established religion of my experience and for me it misses the mark or the whole point when it tries to control everyone's personal lives through politics and law.  I believe there is plenty of evidence that Governor and Congressman Mike Pence often used his political position to try to control people's personal lives.  Okay, I give you that he seems to be a good family man and loving father.  So are my evangelical parents and I am grateful for their abiding love and goodwill. But that does not mean they have it all figured out in regard to the religion and doctrine they hold so dear.  Maybe I don't have it figured out either.  But what stands out to me is that Jesus said, "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."   Can't evangelical Christian politicians just put their trust in God and the Spirit of Christ to operate in the hearts all people they deem to be "immoral" or "sinful".  Can't these elected "servants" keep themselves busy serving rather than attempting to control everyone?  Vice-president Joe Biden is an excellent example of a public servant who takes his faith seriously and abides by the morals his personal faith dictates in his own personal life.  He does this without trying to enforce his personal beliefs on everyone he serves.  He personally believes abortion is wrong, but he does not attempt to impose his personal beliefs in the legal arena where he has so graciously and humbly served.  He can be pro-life personally while legally protecting the "right to choose."  Mike Pence says he is a Christian, a conservative, and a Republican in that order.  Is he being honest with himself?  Do his actions reveal the reverse order?  Just asking?  Just saying.

One last thing.  There is a difference between fundamental, evangelical Christianity and mainline Christianity.  Evangelicals tend to be restrictive and punitive while mainline Christians are more expansive and tolerant, more understanding of others.  I sort of gag when I consider saying I am a (gag) Christian because I was raised in an evangelical doctrine.  But, like some other minister's offspring who have moved away from fundamentalism, I am by inheritance, and at heart, still a Christian.  I seek, though often fail, to follow the example of my wise brother, Jesus.  I am a Christian who also accepts and champions the goodness and truth in all religions, knowing full well that all religions, including Christianity, sometimes fail.

Bewildered

November 15, 2016

This morning I set up a monthly donation to Black Lives Matter.  This is what I wrote in the comment box. "I felt supportive of the Black Lives Matter movement before last Tuesday.  Now I am bewildered and not sure what to do.  I offer this little financial support that I feel able to offer.  My life experience is that I am at this time a white grandmother, a product of white, middle class Christian America, born in 1950.  I desire a new middle class that includes all people."

What is happening? And how do I respond?  Don't know.

The Serenity Prayer is often quoted.  I copied it from Wikipedia.  Wikipedia said it was authored by Reinhold Niebuhr.  

  

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can.

A longer version is:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity

the things that cannot be changed,

Courage to change the things

which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish

the one from the other.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,

Taking, as Jesus did,

This sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,

If I surrender to Your will,

So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen

I woke up grieving this morning.  Dressed in black. 

An Open Letter to President Elect Donald Trump

November 13. 2016

Dear President Elect Trump,

   

     Congratulations on having attained a unique opportunity to become one of America's most respected and beloved presidents.  I admit I was adamantly against your candidacy and nomination for president.  Your rhetoric reflected all the frustration, fear, and even hate that seems to exist in the minds of some Americans and I did not support any of that. 

     However, I am choosing to take you at your word, until proven otherwise, that you will be President for all Americans. In your words, "I pledge to every citizen that I will be president for all." This is a disconnect from some, but not all, of your past statements.  But the past is past.  And I, for one, am not going to hold you to anything you have said except this one thing.

     Here is how I believe you can succeed beyond many expectations.  You can choose to do what Secretary Clinton failed to do, and take counsel from a wise and sensitive man who is willing to help. That man is Bernie Sanders.  I believe with all my heart that had Secretary Clinton adopted his message and dropped all negativity, she would have won the electoral college as well as the popular vote.  You would be very astute to reflect upon the fact that Secretary Clinton won the popular vote and be humbled by the opportunity that now awaits you.  It seems clear to me that both you and Secretary Clinton wanted to be president, wanted to be at the top and both of you were willing, to some degree to "play games" to get there.   Your "games" prevailed and now you have a grave responsibility.

     I await with baited expectation to see you support and embrace all people in this country and the world with dignity and respect, to adopt policies that protect all people domestically and globally, and to find ways to use the power of your position to build a middle class that is superior to the middle class of the last century.  This new and stronger middle class can thrive only if it includes all people, regardless of race, gender, gender-choice, religion and political persuasion.  This will be in truth a more perfect union for all.  

Very sincerely and respectfully yours for this union,

Billie M. Anderson

Hampton, TN

Vulnerable and Powerless

November 13, 2016
Twelve Steps.  In my quiet time this morning, I decided to review the Twelve Steps.
Start with the first one.
Step One:  "We admitted we were powerless over alcohol -- that our lives had become unmanageable."

Of course, anything we perceive as a problem can be substituted for the word "alcohol".  So I began to insert my own list.  I am powerless over:
 - US election results
 - Religion and politics
 - Organizations selling themselves
 - Political rhetoric
 - News Media
 - Endless things that call for my attention

I may argue over this list with myself, trying to guilt myself to get out there and carry on in a frenzy to try to change things.  And I can do that if I want, but if I do, I must admit the truth that I am powerless over the results of all of it.  I can write on this blog and while I do that I know I am powerless of the results or the influence of what I write.  Even so, I am compelled to write for myself and just put it out there.

Yesterday, I wrote:

"There are two ideas about Christ.  One is the Christ of the fundamental church, the idea that was taught to me from an early age.  This Christ was the one and only historical Jesus of Nazareth.  The other idea is that Jesus embodied the "Eternal Christ" that lives in all things and in an especially conscious way via human freewill.   A picture comes to mind of Jesus turning over the tables of the "money-changers" in the temple.  That is presented as a historical event involving the historical person of Jesus responding to the  "Christedness" living in his divine consciousness.  Is it now time for the Universal  "Christedness" living in us to turn over the tables of economic servitude foisted on the people by the interests of an elite oligarchy?"

I am reflecting that the term "Christedness"  is all inclusive of what is true, beautiful, and good.
Let me experiment with substituting "Oneness" for "Christedness".

"There are two ideas about Christ.  One is the Christ of the fundamental church, the idea that was taught to me from an early age.  This Christ was the one and only historical Jesus of Nazareth.  The other idea is that Jesus embodied the "Eternal One" that lives in all things and in an especially conscious way via human freewill.   A picture comes to mind of Jesus turning over the tables of the "money-changers" in the temple.  That is presented as a historical event involving the historical person of Jesus responding to the  "Oneness" living in his divine consciousness.  Is it now time for the Universal  "Oneness" living in us to turn over the tables of economic servitude foisted on the people by the interests of an elite oligarchy?"

If I perceive the "table-turning" inwardly, a change of focus from an outer act to an inner transformation, how does that change my perception of how the Universal "Oneness" living in us might actually turn the tables of economic servitude?   I have no answer for this.  I would consider honestly and openly both the "inner" and "outer" mechanisms of unity.  I see people marching in the streets and I feel supportive.  I am planning to attend the Women's March on Washington, D.C. on January 21.  I am keenly aware that I have no power of what the impact of such a march might be, and I am also keenly aware that I must march in peace first and foremost within my own heart. My purpose for marching is not to protest election outcomes of President Trump and his team, but to add my voice of support for tolerance and equality for all people everywhere.  I have no control over why other people are marching, but I do want to be clear in my own heart as to why I am.  I resolve to fortify my "inner" kingdom with peace, happiness, and joy.  Wherever I go and whatever I choose to do, may my purpose be peace, happiness, and joy for myself all for all people everywhere.

So shall I now judge the President-elect Trump by his past rhetoric?  Do I want to be judged by my own past rhetoric?  How many times have I lashed out in anger and impatience in the past?   More than I care to admit.  Yet I give myself the space for evolving to more love and acceptance.  I now consciously give Donald Trump the same space for evolving and growing, extending to him peace, happiness, and joy.  I have no power over what anyone else says or does.  But I do have power over my personal thoughts and responses.

I think it will be fun to go to Washington, D.C. and march.  But really, this is an easy thing to do.  I must consider that many, many of my sisters who voted for Donald Trump are not participating in this march.  I do not know how to reach them, but I am willing to do so.  I want to understand and accept them.  I am grateful for the leaders such as Bernie Sanders and Michael Moore who have been able to reach out to folks who disagree with them on some high profile issues to find common ground and maybe even common purpose.  Perhaps by openly admitting powerlessness, powerful common ground and purpose can be revealed.

We are one. We are all doing time.  We are in this together.

Opening My Heart to a Silver Lining

November 11, 2016

Ok.  I have given myself a couple of days to feel my emotions.  (Numbness, anger, grief, dread, devastation)  It is time to move forward.  So let me share this.  I have taken action this morning by contributing to two political movements and setting these contributions to be made monthly.  These are Bernie's "Our Revolution"  and "Brand New Congress".  Today, I pinned a safety pin onto my shirt and my sweater to signify that I support all people, immigrants from everywhere.  I read an article saying that a lot of Brits began to wear safety pins for that purpose after the "Brexit" vote.  I plan to wear a safety pin every day until I am sure all Americans can live and move freely in this country and hopefully, globally as well.  I sincerely hope I see this in my life time.

So can we find a silver lining in this shocking election of DT for President?  And if so, where is it?
I offer some that I am beginning to consider.

1)  As I expressed in my last post, I have been emboldened to come out and express more fluently and with far less concern about who I might offend or hurt in the process.  And thus I find myself actually writing and finding comfort and even enjoyment in doing this. I have Donald Trump to thank.
2)  I am examining my activities with a finer eye for purpose.  What is worthy of my time and what is not?  I will drop clubs and time consuming activities that drain my energy and keep only those that empower the things I value.  Thank you, DT.
3) This nation's two dominant political parties have been up-ended. Thank you DT.  And well they needed to be, because both were in the pockets of big donors and lobbyists.  As a result our nation has become mostly an economic oligarchy (a small group of people having control of a country).  While we progressed socially, we lost ground economically.  And by the way, I suspect the  1% oligarchy was sort of using the social gains as a way to appease us economically.  As in, maybe the people won't notice if we give them a few concessions.  But now we have noticed and now we must be vigilant to protect our social gains until we can gather strength to heal ourselves economically.  Now there must arise either a new party or a transformed Democratic Party that will assist us to make up that ground and create a new middle class somewhat resembling the almost  exclusively white middle class 50 to 60 years ago, this time including everyone.  I liked growing up in middle class white America until I began to realize how others were being treated under the arrangement.  We must respect and champion all peoples, not only socially, but also economically.
4) Progressive and inclusive voices are emboldened and energized.  It is hard to say thank you to DT, but perhaps we should.  Would these voices have risen against bad decisions Hillary may have made? The answer is yes, but not as strongly.  Progressive voices did express themselves against Obama's bad decisions but the voices were fewer and weaker, and people like me did not join for two reasons.
Number one I was comfortable, and number two, I really love Obama, his graciousness and charm.
But now, under Trump, all that has fallen away and I can write and speak and just be a "nasty woman" when I feel it is necessary.  Thanks to DT for that term and Elizabeth Warren for transforming the derision into an empowering idea.

So now,  I speak as "nasty woman".  I will say something about the contented bed-fellows of white fundamental religion, politics, and the oligarchy that has taken our nation hostage. Salvation, I was told while growing up, was for those who followed a certain magical doctrine.  We sang the lovely song about how Jesus loves all the children of every color, while we condoned the world we enjoyed that had very little space for including millions of people whose skin color was not white.  And the root of the motivation that kept it that way was undoubtedly economical.  The haves really come to be vested in keeping a status quo, even at the expense of millions people.  And this status quo slowly becomes entrenched in politics, education, and religion.  It all seemed normal.  As these norms began to shift in the late sixties and early seventies, a backlash began to form which started to fester as many of the so-called hippies grew older and slowly became vested in the system they had righteously attacked earlier.  Some of these then became part of the oligarchy and began to manipulate things to keep the social order that had rewarded them economically.  Now the strategies of change were turned in upon themselves. So was it the members of the oligarchy who deliberately promoted religion in politics?  Did they use the inherent insecurity of naive religious followers who were taught they were "sinners" in need of salvation by a nonsensical and brutal death which supposedly bought salvation?  Guilt can be a powerful and pseudo-righteous tool used for manipulation.  Did political machinery of the oligarchy "buy" political capital from these religious people by focusing all their rhetoric on legislating morals, while at the same time stripping these people of hard-earned resources?   Did they even finanacially support and empower indoctrinated young Christians to rise up in political power, materially rewarding and using them for an apparent moral agenda that was really more to buy the votes of the misguided fundamental right?  I believe this is the case.

There are two ideas about Christ.  One is the Christ of the fundamental church, the idea that was taught to me from an early age.  This Christ was the one and only historical Jesus of Nazareth.  The other idea is that Jesus embodied the "Eternal Christ" that lives in all things and in an especially conscious way via human freewill.   A picture comes to mind of Jesus turning over the tables of the "money-changers" in the temple.  That is presented as a historical event involving the historical person of Jesus responding to the  "Christedness" living in his divine consciousness.  Is it now time for the Universal  "Christedness" living in us to turn over the tables of economic servitude foisted on the people by the interests of an elite oligarchy?  Ground work has been laid in the "Occupy Wall Street" and "Black Lives Matter" movement as well as with Bernie's "Our Revolution" and "Brand New Congress".  And let me not leave out the bravery of our American Indian siblings at Standing Rock.   I feel compelled to do whatever I can to support this cause at this critical time. So much is at stake:  Global warming, our National Parks, marriage and equality rights, health care, affordable higher education, to name a few.

If you doubt the gravity of our political situation now, I would ask that you take time to read about the experiences of Wangari Maathai, a Kenyan environmental activist whose mission was to plant trees all over her country and who was awarded a Nobel Peace Prize in 2004.  The book is Unbowed: A Memoir by Wangari Maathai.  We have some time to prepare and strengthen ourselves before DT takes his place in the Oval Office.  I find myself compelled to read, write, reflect, meditate, embrace peace, and consciously think joyful thoughts.  Perhaps this is a blessed gathering time for us to fortify ourselves. We can also pray and hope that Mr. Trump might do the same.

One last thing:  I give you James Twyman's thought about the US presidential election.  I hope he does not mind me sharing part of the e-mail he sent out to his list.  "Why am I so happy about the US presidential election?  Don't get me wrong. . .this is not the outcome I was hoping for.  But that's not the point, is it?  My happiness does not depend on anything happening out there but rather, within my own heart.  That's where the miracle unfolds, and if we're willing to accept everything, no matter how far it is from what we wanted to happen, then happiness becomes a constant state.  I AM Happy NO MATTER WHAT."

I, too, choose happiness consciously and actively.  Let us love and be active in that Holy Spirit!

Refreshment: Coming out!

Thursday, November 10, 2016
     I have to write.  First of all this blog should be called "cultivaterefreshmentjoy".  I did not fully understand until recently that I did not retire.  Rather I refreshed.  And in this refreshment I can and will set aside my cursed tendency to be an amiable, to not want to hurt my family members who do not think like I do, to be quiet and avoid controversy.  But now in my refreshment, I realize that being loving and civil to those who disagree with me does not mean that I cannot express myself. So here goes this word processor, processing my deepest emotions, raw and uncensored. Right now I am angry at myself  for not being more vocal in expressing my true feelings and let that fall where it may.  Yes, I came of age in the late sixties and early seventies.  I experimented with pot and other substances.  I survived and was better for it.  And yes, I came to question the destructive doctrine of the Christian Church, the brutal and very mistaken doctrine of blood atonement that my family held so dear.  I can keep silent no longer.
     But I digress.  A flood has been released by the election of Donald Trump.  I am stunned and horrified.  The lid is off!  I want no more Democratic bullshit!  Stand aside and let the young people be heard.  They are right!  They are more tolerant, accepting and brave than I have been, and far more enlightened than the generations that proceeded me.  Thank God for allowing all things.  God or Source, allows it all and puts in all in our court.  Well I accept this responsibility that I have tiptoed around for years and will now speak up!
An Open Letter to the Democratic Party:  
    I just heard New York Representative Crowley being interviewed by Stephanie Ruhle.  She asked about Michael Moore's assertion that the Democratic Party has failed us miserably and instead of just admitting the truth, Rep. Crowley said, "No, I don't think that is the case at all."  And then he proceeded to ramble on.  Respectfully but firmly, I say to him thank you for being here but now sit down and think about what you have just irresponsibly said.  First of all, you are in no position to say that the Democrats have not failed us.  I, for one, know the Democratic Party failed me.  I participated in my amiable way in the healthy primary debate about choosing the best candidate for the country.  It was impassioned and good.  And some of my dearest friends favored Hillary while others, like myself, favored Bernie.  And then came the primary votes and  I could see the Democratic Party manipulating their machine to favor an admittedly great person, Hillary Clinton, to the top of the ticket.  But the people favored Bernie, not only the young people but also many thinking Republican social conservatives.  Bernie was a unifier;  Secretary Clinton, clearly not so much.  Yet your tired, old establishment machine brought Hillary with all her issues to the top.  I don't know if you actually cheated to do this but for sure, you did everything you could to accomplish your preference.  This included allowing Hillary to make the lame and untrue claim that Bernie did not support health care reform, that he undermined President Obama, etc.  Even so, when Hillary became the nominee, Bernie chose unity and the majority of Bernie supporters got on board and at least committed their votes, if not their hearts, to Hillary.  And you failed! So at least take responsibility and admit this.  If you cannot do this, then step aside and make room for leaders who will be more honest and responsible.
     The popular vote went for Hillary, the weaker of our two primary candidates for the Democratic ticket.  This beautiful fact makes it clear that of the two major political parties in this country, the  Democrats come closer to reflecting the desires of the American people. Stop working against your own supporters!  Get with it!  Get it together Democrat Party leaders and get things done or get out!
Sincerely,
Billie Anderson
Hampton, TN
   

US Presidential Election

Bernie’s Wise Leadership in Supporting Hillary

by Billie Anderson

Nov. 6, 2016

It is just two days before our official presidential election.  If you are like me, you are feeling weary from the these many months of campaigning between two of the most unpopular candidates ever nominated by our two major political parties.  I recently watched “Michael Moore in Trumpland” and felt good that I voted for Hillary on the first day of early voting here in Tennessee.  Like Michael Moore, “I am not a Hillary voter.”    I certainly admire the way Hillary kept her “cool” in debates with Donald Trump.  Unlike some of my dearest friends who believe Hillary will be a “great” first female president, I must take a wait and see approach.  I cannot know if she will take the progressive platform seriously, using her influence to champion progressive causes; or, if she will cater more to Wall Street, big business, and hawkish interests.  I am disappointed that she spent more time bashing Trump (hasn’t he done this quite sufficiently without her help) on the campaign trail than she has explaining her own positions and  platform.  I am grateful that Bernie has and will continue to push her toward progressive positions. 

My friends who favored Hillary during the primaries told me she is more pragmatic than Bernie and will be able to get more done for the people.  I am open to that possibility, but still mourn the fact that, for now anyway, we will not get to see how a candidate like Bernie might have unified factions that divide our nation.  Bernie was certainly a unifier as is evidenced by the fact that people on the far right and the far left supported him enthusiastically.  Isn’t bringing factions together in unity a pragmatic approach?  During the primaries, he demonstrated a remarkable ability to reach out to people who adamantly disagreed with him on social issues and find common ground with them.  Even my Hillary supporting friends conceded that Bernie was an important influence nudging her toward positions that better serve the American people. Hillary has not demonstrated such a unifying presence.  But wisely, Bernie chose unity above division by endorsing and campaigning tirelessly for Hillary.  I chose unity by voting as he recommends. 

Today I feel even stronger about my vote to unify behind Hillary.  I have just finished reading Unbowed,  A Memoir by Wangari Maathai, a Kenyan environmentalist,  female activist and Nobel Peace Prize winner.  Her life journey is inspiring on many levels and connects the dots between many seemingly separate issues.  She understands and expresses the profound connection between poverty, environment, gender and our hope for “peace on Earth”.  In Chapter 11, she writes about the elections of 1992 in Kenya at a time when the Kenyan government was ruled by a one-party regime that claimed to be democratic but which controlled the media and catered only to its wealthy insiders.  A year earlier the Forum for the Restoration of Democracy was founded as a movement to educate Kenyans and elect a truly Democratic government to replace the regime in power.  Rather than unifying and nominating one candidate, three candidates emerged, thus fracturing the opposition. “This fragmentation would set back the cause of democratization for ten years.”  

Oh my!  If we do not get behind Hillary will the Affordable Care Act be repealed and Universal Health Care be delayed for a long time?  Will Social Security be privatized?  Will civil rights continue to be undermined?  Bernie realizes the stakes are very high and he knew if he ran as a third party, he would be assuring the election of Trump to possibly dump on our nation.  He was wise to endorse Hillary and to encourage his admirers to do the same.  Will we rise to the occasion in unity?  I am very eager to know the outcome and to hopefully see what Hillary can do.  Michael Moore and Bernie Sanders both understand the importance of a unified resistance to a potential regime-like time in our beloved nation.  I understand it, too.  Vote Democratic for Hillary and for all down ballot races.  Even if elected President, she cannot do it alone! 

Prioritizing Retirement Joys

     Today Jim Miller and I met with the Natural Resources Conservation Service District Conservationist, Jason Hughes.  We explained that now that we are retired we have more time and energy to devote to this wonderful property where we have lived since 1980.  I said something about us being old but still ready to work.  I loved it when Jim said, "No, we are not old.  We have just been young for a long time."  LOL!  That is one of the best ways to express it I have ever heard.
    I really thought I was going to have time for absolutely everything after I retired,  What has become crystal clear to me is that I will just have to decide what is most important and prioritize my activities. And it is also clear to me that my first priority after family is to enjoy working on this property to conserve, protect, and enjoy.  So our meeting with Jason Hughes fits right into this priority.  Jason will work with us to determine what programs are available to help us manage for good conservation, healthy forest, organic gardening, etc.  I am very excited about the possibilities.
     I love days like today when I can work on the property toward one of our goals. We have a forest management plan prepared by Danny Osborne II, Department of Agriculture, Division of Forestry.  Hopefully now we can add a plan from the NRCS.  I believe it is important and very helpful to work with our government agencies to give us direction for our activities here on Fiddlehead Farm Estates, LLC.  Working with some kind of a big picture plan makes the activity more fulfilling and meaningful.
   

Unfolding Bliss

     First things first!  I take time to breath and enjoy stillness. Om . . . . . .
     I had written a post just a few minutes ago of this same title: Unfolding Bliss and lost it by going to my bookmarks looking for a link to put in my last edit from the Preview.  I observed the temptation to give up in frustration and quit.  But I loved that post and so here I am choosing to joyfully write again along the same lines.  I will learn something about saving my work before navigating any where else in blogging land.
     So far retirement has been delicious and yummy!  It seems like there are not enough hours in my day, but of course, this is an illusion.  There are exactly the right number of hours in each day as I choose my already chosen course of mindful joy.  Sometimes the joy is automatic, thus freeing my mind of being conscious of its choosing.  At other times when temptation arises as in the above paragraph, I take a deep breath and choose.  I breath and embrace stillness.  I watch unfolding.  I blog for myself with the potential of "other" participation.  My mind is aware of its oneness with All in a vast universe filled with the illusion of many.  I joyfully dance within the boundaries of my minuscule experience, extending love and acceptance to all dances, even ones that mask as evil. Boundlessness sparkles within and around my boundaries.  I watch the unfolding of newness bubbling up from almost seven decades of effort and experience.  I take time to breath and bask in stillness.
    Today I will participate in the Bernie Sanders phone bank party at The Coffee House in Johnson City from 1530 to 1830.  My i-phone and computer are my tools. I might report back about it.  My brilliant and beautiful niece, Victoria Hewlett will be there also.  Her blog is pogressivementality.com.  I enjoy her writing. She writes with thoughtful expansiveness and often historical insight. I desire to make time to visit and participate with her blog more frequently now that I have retirement time to devote to a seemingly infinite array of potential.  It is fun to watch her unfold in her unique experience.
   I watch my unfolding and attempt to document part of if.  I breath and take time for stillness. By the way, I found by original post that I thought I had lost.  I deleted it because I like this post better. I did learn something new about the mechanics of blogging with blogspot. This is good.  I watch things unfold.  I breath and enjoy stillness.

Oh the Joy of Freedom!

       My first few days of freedom was to celebrate Thanksgiving in Ohio with family and dear friends who are like family.  The whole long weekend trip was more relaxed and joyful than similar trips in the past, simply because I knew a new life awaited upon my return home, a life of enhanced freedom absent the obligation of having a "job".  On Wednesday of this week, a full week after after I retired, I spent my first day at home in Hampton, Tennessee.

Today is Saturday, the fourth day of freedom at home and I revel in the flexibility of time.  I won't bore myself with recording details of all that I have leisurely enjoyed except to say that I feel rested in body and spirit.  I also feel productive in a number of areas.  Of course the central "activity/non-activity" is meditation. Several outer projects are underway, including change of diet and cooking habits, catching up on bookkeeping, and reading several relevant books which were mentioned in my last post.  My joy is heart felt and I anticipate more good experience to bubble up from the control center of meditation.  
     I could get very philosophical and wordy now.  I will skip that because the aforementioned books express it all exceedingly well.  All journeys of experience are very unique, entire universes bubbling up from Infinite Potential and triggered by consciousness.  Ooops!,Tee Hee!  Temptation was just too great not to indulge in that one little wordy sentence.